Hunk: The Forgotten fanfiction
by S.T.A.R.S stunt doubles
Summary: Written by our very own, TANGORA! Let's see how everyone's favorite Merc deals with fanfictions from hell! ONESHOT!


In a world... where everyone is fair game for slash pairings...

"Oh Wesker..."

"Sherry..."

Make out noises can be heard in the darkness.

One man, dared to be different...

The darkness of the room fades out slowly as a dim light turns on, flashing several times and revealing the man in the biohazard containments suit; HUNK.

"Um, hiya?" he says nervously raising his hand. This is all very confusing to him, apparently, as he just got dragged into a room and stuffed into his combat gear.

Will he make it out alive, or will he get ass raped by Kevin Ryman in a freaky and badly written slash, yaoi fanfiction?

"Wait, that bastard is gonna do what to me!?" HUNK yells tensing up. A nearby window's shutter flies up illuminating the room, and Mr. Ryman is standing ominously close to HUNK.

"Hey baby, hows about you slip out of that mask..." he says, growing ever closer to Mr. Death. If this goes any further, this story can go from an offbeat comedy to some fluff and mature rated content that no one, save maybe some people who like it, would want to see.

"I'm not interested in a relationship!" HUNK screams running towards the window and jumping out. He landed at the bottom of the two story building onto the street outside.

"The Resident Evil fanfiction section..." HUNK stared with a grimace (or at least thats what we think he was doing; Damn gas mask is impossible to make out whatever the hell kinda faces he makes) at Wesker and Chris walking by holding hands.

"Aren't they...? What am I saying, this is fanfiction." HUNK started down the street, looking up at the sky and wondering why the hell it was purple instead of blue.

While he walked he looked at the vast arrays of couples in the street. Yoko and Mark, Jim and George, Jill and Rebecca, Alice and Alexia... the plot holes were really tearing at his brain.

He looked at Leon and Chris, who apparently was over Wesker, made out on the street corner as he turned it. To his surprise, he saw Leon making out with Claire a little ways away.

"What the fuck...?" HUNK turned back around the corner, and sure enough, there was Leon, doing some crazy time paradox thing, and swapping spit with Chris at the same time.

"I hate this place," HUNK murmured. He walked on and heard gunshots. Thinking this could be an action fic he was hearing, he ran down the back alley to...

"What the hell is this!?" In front of him, illuminated in the carnival lights of yore, was a wheel of fortune torture machine, with Chris (go figure) strapped onto it and spinning around as he screamed. Some mysterious unknown, most likely an Original character, stood there firing shots from a magnum at the S.T.A.R.S agent.

HUNK walked up catiously and asked what was going on. "Who are you, what are you doing, why is Chris strapped to a rotating metal death machine?"

The OC man turned calmy to him and said, "In case you haven't notice, where ever the author of this fic goes, Chris is gonna get shot." HUNK thought for a moment before realizing he was right.

"Great, now can you help me find the nearest plot hole out of this lame slash place? Its getting cold..." As if by magic, Kevin appeared behind HUNK and grabbed him tight.

"I'll keep you warm you big love bunny!!!" he said in a girly voice not his own. He held onto HUNK's neck, forcing him to recreate his escape manuever he used on ganados in RE4. Unfortunately, Kevin's head did not explode like so many spanards.

As HUNK ran from the infamous love machine that is Kevin, he saw a black tear in the fabric of reality.

"A plot hole, just what I need!" he yelled leaping through it.

When the Umbrella agent landed, he looked around. It appeared he was in a recreation room of some kind. Some people, they looked familiar, stood around, talking, or using some of the various equipment.

There was a guitar, a pool table, a foosball table, a pinball table, a hot tub, a dart board, several couches, a TV, some video games, a open bar, and a mini fridge.

"Where am I? Why do I know you people?" HUNK asked turning his head at them. A man in a red bandana came up.

"Friend, welcome to the Cannon Fodder Fun room! Its where all the people that died early get to come and chill because no one really cares about them!" Around this time, HUNK realized that the man he was talking to looked exactly like former S.T.A.R.S agent, Joseph Frost.

"The best part about this place is that because no one cares about us, we're free from having to make out with dudes," Rodrigo said as he ran over a hooker in GTA.

"So, I'm safe here?" HUNK asked sitting down next to him.

"Well, every now and then..." The door busted down, and in the light stood a shadowy figure of a woman.

"JOSEPH! YOU'RE MINE!!!" Joseph looked awestruck as he tried to back away.

"No, no, it can't be, I was happy! I was happy!!!!!!" he screamed as he was sucked out the door. HUNK stared in disbelief.

"I'm out of here," he said looking for the nearest window to jump out of. He found one, but thought twice about jumping out of it upon seeing the fangirl horde outside.

"You placed your stronghold outside of a fangirl crowd?" HUNK asked confused.

"Of course, how else do you think we keep out most of the slash author's," Forest said cracking open a drink from the fridge.

HUNK looked to his right and saw a long hallway with several large machines on both sides.

"Whats down there?" he asked walking towards it. Kenneth ran up and blocked his way.

"Thats the action and twisted zone of fanfiction. Basically, if you go down there, even if you're the main character, you can die." HUNK pondered for a moment.

"Mind coming with me then? My survival rate is better when I'm with someone."

"Hell no, I already died once, and it wasn't pretty," Kenneth said walking over to the pool table.

"Fine, I'll just get out on my own..." he said running down the hall. As if by some weird plot hole from hell, a timer started ticking down, a red strobe light started going off, and fires and explosions began appearing all around him as he ran down the hall.

"HUNK!!! I Wuv you!!!" a voice screamed from behind him as HUNK ran. He turned his head around and saw Kevin running up behind him as the building collapsed. Thing was, he was stripping as he ran, taking off his shirt and undoing his belt.

"Dammit Kevin, this is an action... romance... fic..." Something dawned on him as HUNK started back towards Kevin. Kevin, whose arms were wide in a joyous action, awaiting a hug, was oblivious to HUNK's true intentions.

When HUNK ran up to him, he didn't hug him, didn't kiss him, no no. He punched a hole through his chest and screamed. "This is an angst fic now, and now that I'm with you, my survival rate is through the roof!!!!!" His voice trailed on as the whole building exploded, save the Cannon Fodder Fun room, for whatever reason.

The End

Author's Notes

HUNK: (Dances around) I won, oh yeah, uh huh...

Tangora: Yeah yeah, well remember, this is still MY fic, and I control you...

HUNK: Like hell you do (flicks author's nose)

Tangora: Hey... that hurt...

HUNK: Review! Because you know you want to! (keeps dancing


End file.
